Flash back to the spring of 1998. My first child was accepted into a college he had applied to. This was great news and this was not so great news as felt by a mother’s heart. This university happened to be located almost fifteen hundred miles away from home! Think the late 1990’s, before FaceTime was available to the general public. Keeping in touch was done by phone, email or snail mail. There was no snap chat or instant messaging, and pushing a “purchase” button on an Amazon shopping icon wasn’t familiar, if it even existed. We had cell phones but compared to the devices we have now, they were pretty slim in their options (however, not in their size!! They looked like big black walkie talkies with antennas, and forget fitting a phone into your jeans pocket!). Everyone we knew had land lines as their main phone connection.
I plastered a smile on my face to hide the hole in my heart and helped our son get ready for the grand adventure ahead of him. We decided to make the trip into a vacation for all of us. The traveling provided some good together time before the makeup of our family, as we knew it, changed forever.
We gave our son several prepaid phone cards, and after we helped settle him into his dorm room, we said good-bye. There is something about that first child moving out that brutally reminds parents that this person they had nurtured from birth until now, had always belonged to God. It’s something you know and fully accept and even want for them but the reality hits hard when you begin the long drive home with an extra seat in the van.
Ge 33:5 And he lifted his eyes and saw the women and the children, and said, “Who are these with you?” So he said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.”
In accordance with Scripture, everything we have belongs to God. We are stewards of His creation. This includes our children!
Any type of change disrupts our comfort. The birth of a child, the release of a child, marriage, relocation, illness, loss of a friend, and even ministry changes, serving in a different area or assuming different responsibilities. It doesn’t matter whether it’s good, bad, exciting or disturbing, chosen or forced upon. Change is difficult and scary and leaves you feeling vulnerable.
What does one do with the emotions that accompany significant change?
In the world you turn towards the things that seem to offer stability, albeit temporal. You may concentrate on the things you feel you can control. You may decide to ignore changing circumstances until the point in which they must be acknowledged.
In the believing Christian world, the effects of change are still felt but (hopefully) the reaction is different. You turn towards God for peace and assurance. You trust He is in control and will guide your direction. You pray for perspective and a response that proves you are His child. You focus heavenward.
At the time of releasing my first child I began writing via email to him, signing each letter with the reminder to keep his focus heavenward no matter what circumstances were presented. (I always drew an arrow pointing upwards as a visual.) Focusing on God, keeping him close in heart is the one thing I knew would act as a comfort and guidance to my son. I’m not sure if that reminder did more for me or my child. But, I knew God’s plan was for good and I personally needed that constant message to keep my focus on His truth, His promises, His care and to trust in God’s ownership of my son.
How do you focus heavenward?
I had a website at that time under the name ‘Focus Heavenward’ with the statement that its purpose was to be used as a tool to look to the Bible for growth, purpose and encouragement. The site was a collection of past and present Bible studies and women’s retreats I had written over the years.
In order to focus heavenward, a direction is assumed. That direction is up. Up towards a higher position, up towards God. Up towards something that has greater value. In order to focus heavenward, faith in someone bigger than ourselves needs to have been claimed. In order to focus heavenward, a desire to give attention to someone other than ourselves is necessary. In order to focus heavenward, we need to follow the One whose established throne is in heaven.
Whenever life’s direction is significantly altered or disrupted from what is familiar, we respond in one of two ways. We fight it or we accept it. Fighting change won’t stop change, it will only make change more difficult. Accepting change as a necessary part of life will ease the paths of uncertainty.
God permits and sometimes even instructs circumstances in our lives in order to draw our eyes upward. Hanging onto God’s overwhelming love for His children, and His perfect plan and control of all things will allow us, through His grace, to focus heavenward through joyous times and even through tears.
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